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A Parent’s Prayer for Their Teen

April 2, 2010 By Jgrimes 4 Comments

Dear God, I need to talk to you for a minute about these kids you gave me. First of all, let me make this clear. I adore them. They amaze me, a million different times throughout each day. They are clearly your creation and not my own. And for this, I am thankful. I could have never come up with something this wonderful, even if you had asked me to write out what I had in mind on paper before they were born. But, I want you to know that I am scared. The world looks to me, as their parent, to teach them and protect them, raising them to be successful adults. I wonder why, then, must the world work against me on every step? As a little girl, my precious daughter – well, actually, she is Your precious daughter – happily skipped through her day, treasuring each moment and believing anything was possible. But somewhere along the way to being a teenager, she lost her joy.

Now, her days are filled with paralyzing self doubt and deceptive invitations to the path of acceptance. My adorable son, who once started each day by holding my face in his hands just to tell me he loved me, can no longer look me in the eye. He tries to hide behind walls built over time, convinced that I will never understand him. But I see through to his breaking heart, and mine breaks right along with his. It always has. Always will. These are your children. And they are perfect. How can I get them to see that? How can I protect them from the false expectations of their peers, who are all struggling to find their way just the same? How can I prove to them that they were designed to stand out, rather than to fit in? Sometimes, I watch them sleeping and this is my silent prayer for them: Hold them in your arms. Always.

Reveal yourself to them often, proving that they are never alone. Help them to be strong enough to make a difference; to change the lives of others rather than changing who they are to fit in. Make their paths straight before them, just as you promised to do, and then give them the strength to follow. The decisions they make today can alter the path of the rest of their lives. Please help them to better understand this, and protect them when the time arrives to make those choices. Show them that the rules we have in place are to protect them; not to prevent them from having fun, but rather to keep them from crossing lines into adulthood long before they are ready. Help them understand that once you cross those lines, there is no going back to being a kid. Help them never to doubt you, especially when teachers and others cause them to question their beliefs.

How can they ever find their true value if they believe they were an accident or grew from the ground or from monkeys of some sort? Their very existence proves that You are real, so please comfort them and give them your answers long before they need them. I pray these same things for their future spouses and children. Protect their future and create it in a way that brings them all closer together and to you in the end. And God, please keep whispering these things to them until they are ready for me to tell them face to face. Because Lord, I adore my teens, and am so thankful you chose me to be their parent. Give me what I need to do the job you asked of me, and hold me when I’m scared. I never want to let either of you down. In Jesus Name, Amen

Filed Under: Fresh Coffee, Teens Tagged With: Parent's Prayer, Teens

3 Time Saving Ideas to Try Today!

March 26, 2010 By Jnovak 1 Comment

In an effort to save some time and our sanity I thought I’d share three tips for making our day a little easier:

1. If you’ve ever “lost” your car in a parking lot try this: take a photo of the sign post near where you parked. When I was in the mall last week I snapped a photo of the name of the entrance I used so I’d be sure to exit out the correct door. Whenever possible always try to park in the same row in specific lots so you can find your car again.

2. Prevent the toppling of frozen foods from your freezer onto the kitchen floor, keep bags of veggies stacked with a bookend or two.

3. When making an appointment, try to get the first one of the day or the first one after lunch, there is a better chance you will be taken on time. Jot the phone number next to the note on your calendar so you can confirm the day of. Yes, even call your hairdresser, you never know if he or she called in sick that day or is running a half hour behind, things you’d like to know before you drive all the way there. You can fill any waiting time by bringing something to do with you, a handful of business cards to enter into your address book or the top two magazines from your own reading pile so you’re reading your stuff and not the articles in the waiting room. Next time we’ll talk toy storage and I’d love to hear about your best tip or biggest problem, don’t be shy send me your comments now.

Filed Under: Fresh Coffee, Home Tips, Tip Jar Tagged With: address book, appointments, de-clutter, errands, Jamie Novak, kitchen clutter, organize, save time

Self-Esteem and Your Teen

March 12, 2010 By Jgrimes 2 Comments

I have yet to figure out exactly when it happens. There is an unidentified moment that a child goes from enjoying life and exploring the world to becoming overtly aware of what others think. It does not happen gradually. It is more of a before and after type of transition; like crossing an imaginary line into a new dimension, with no way to go back. Some seem to handle it gracefully. Some embrace it and use it to their advantage. Some seem as if they have been preparing for this moment their entire lives, while others seem totally caught off guard by it.

Long before the well identified awkward stages of braces, clumsiness, voice changes and growth spurts are the younger moments when no one cared about stick up hair and unmatched clothing. But there comes a time when a child becomes aware, unfortunately. As a child begins his or her school years, it seems that they become more self-conscious with age, primarily regarding their appearance, but the effects go much deeper that that. Their peers provide the acceptance that becomes the deciding factor on almost every choice they make. Believing in Santa stops once a child has been laughed at for it. Reading is curbed when the athletic kids make fun of someone who is curled up with a book at recess. A favorite cartoon character shirt is tossed aside when it is referred to as “babyish.” Though not all peer interaction is negative, it is important for parents to recognize the role it plays as their children grow into teens. Perhaps even more important is to understand that all teens experience low self-esteem – even those that mask it by wearing too much make up or by bullying others.

The worst athletes want to be like the best athletes. The best athletes are rarely satisfied with their performance, and always hope to do better. The Homecoming Queen never feels beautiful or thin enough, and the Chess Team Captain wishes he could avoid his gym class. No one, at the end of their day of high school, comes out of it saying “I sure feel better about myself today.” It just does not happen. If you were to question everyone across the country at their ten year high school reunion, regardless of the size of the school or whether it was public or private, everyone would say they felt invisible at some point. They would admit to never completely feeling accepted, even those who graced almost every page of the high school yearbook. So what is a parent to do? How can we help our teens with this truth? Here are a few suggestions:

Prepare them for it. Point out how low self esteem causes characters on television shows to sometimes make the wrong choice. Notice this in movies as well. Remind them how the heroes always learn to stand on their own two feet. Discuss how even adults struggle with self-esteem issues, but the happiest people are the ones who learn to move past it.
Surround them with grownups who are supportive, consistent, and never fickle. Their world changes day by day. Help them plug into something deeper than the whims of their current peer group.
Help them get their mind off themselves. Low self-esteem is magnified when that is all they have to focus on. Get them in a youth group at church and a service oriented group. Seeing others less fortunate changes their perspective, and working with a group of people is just as beneficial.
Point them toward their future. By keeping the bigger picture in mind, they can recognize that these kids will not be moving with them to the next chapter of their lives, and that most likely only a handful of them will remain friends. College and life choices are individual choices and cannot be managed by their peers. The sooner they realize that, the better.
Challenge them to watch out for someone needing attention. Make a point each day to look for a new kid or invite someone to sit at their lunch table. It will help them to get past themselves if they are a part of the solution.
Understand that they may not feel comfortable discussing these issues with you, because they know what you will say. You will tell them they are wonderful and that you love them. They expect to hear that from you, so it no longer carries much weight. They may withdraw when they are down on themselves, but that is when they need you more than ever.
Pray for your kids. They need it, and so do we, as parents. The more they pull away from us, the more we need God to help them to make sense of their world and point them in the right direction.

Filed Under: Fresh Coffee, Teens

Christmas Let-down and the Second Semester Blues

January 4, 2010 By Jgrimes Leave a Comment

Let’s face it. We all find it difficult to get back in the swing of things following the long break over Christmas. With the welcome reprieve from homework, deadlines and alarm clocks, this feeling is magnified for our high school kids. After the stress that comes and goes with mid-term exams, it is never easy to approach the last half of the year with the same intensity of a new school year. The entire family must be retrained to go to bed early and embrace the school routine, and as the second semester approaches, an atmosphere of dread can quickly overtake our households. My own 16-year-old daughter, Malloree, never found it necessary to voice her opinion of the months that lay ahead. Her expression said it all. During our ten hour drive back home from all the holiday festivities this past weekend, left alone on the road to ponder our thoughts, we all hated for the freedom and fun of Christmas to be over. But with a plan and zone defense, so to speak, we will get through this together. Here are a few ideas that may help your family as well.

Give them a reason to start off strong. The hardest part of any task is to start. Help your son or daughter look forward to it with a weekend celebration following their first week back to school. Invite a friend over or go to a movie.
Get organized ahead of time. This is our first full winter living in Michigan, which translates into frigid temperatures and rare school closings due to snow. We have a ready supply of scarves, hats and gloves waiting by the door. Malloree has to layer up for the walk between buildings for her classes, but can easily get too hot during the day. Planning what to wear and packing all lunch items, backpacks and coats is a must the night before, or something important will be forgotten.
Focus on the next break. For us, mid-February offers another full week off from school. Knowing that in just over a month she will get to go visit her friends provides plenty of motivation to get through these cold and snowy days. And then, soon comes Spring Break in April, the next light at the end of the tunnel.
Stick to a routine. Dinner is at the same time every night, providing a couple of hours for homework when she first comes home from school. Structure takes the guesswork out of both our mornings and our evenings.
Let the little things be little. All we ask from Malloree is for her best effort. She tends to stress herself out over her grades without us ever mentioning it. We remind her to have fun and don’t find it necessary to discuss school often. She spends the majority of her life consumed with it, so it is up to us to provide the balance and the permission to take it easy once in awhile.

The daily grind of high school takes it toll on all of our kids, but with our support and a team effort, the halfway point can be a reason to celebrate. The truth is that too soon, days like this will be a distant memory and each moment should be enjoyed as much as possible.

Filed Under: Fresh Coffee, Parenting Tips

Money Matters With Kids

January 2, 2010 By Mommies Cafe 1 Comment

Growing up in poverty, there wasn’t a lot of cash to manage, but there were many ways to experience money troubles. I watched my parents repeatedly overspend using credit cards, then file bankruptcy when they were in debt so deep that they couldn’t get out. Aside from this pattern, I had no idea how to manage money as I broke out on my own. Money management became even more important a few years ago as I faced a job loss, and my husband and I found ourselves forced into raising our family of four solely on his income. We were also several thousand dollars in debt with no end in sight. Determined not to follow my parents’ example, my husband and I buckled down and worked together, clawing our way out of debt before my paycheck stopped arriving. I transitioned into my role as a stay-at-home parent, focused on saving every penny possible while raising my two boys, who are now seven and four years old. As my oldest child in particular began to be aware of his world, he started to want things that cost money. I decided to take these every day opportunities to begin teaching him how to manage money.

Explain Our Culture Usually when my two boys want toys or food, they’ve either seen the products in a store or on TV. Instead of dismissing these desires out of hand, I take the opportunity to discuss with them why they want particular products. I start by asking them why they want a particular product they’re requesting, and usually I can point out that they’ve seen it on TV or in a store we’ve been in. I then explain that people in companies who make those products also make the commercials to advertise them. Next I point out that when we go to a store, these products are down at a level where my children can see them, and that this is a strategy to help sell these toys or food items. I’m careful to point out that these desires aren’t “bad,” but to take a few minutes to think about where their wants come from, and contrast these with our family’s needs and priorities. One of the biggest priorities for us is to live within a budget, and we can’t do that if we impulsively buy anything we want.

Set Up A System Each of my kids has three piggy banks: one is for Giving, one is for Saving, and the last one is for Spending. Each week, my children get an allowance from me based on what I think is age appropriate – for example, my seven year old gets $2.50 a week. I give out allowances on Sundays in small increments so that the money can be divided between the three banks. The purpose of the Giving bank is to donate money to an organization in our community or to our local church. My kids decide every month or so where the Giving money goes. When we adopted our puppy earlier this fall, my son and I discussed how his “Giving” money could help the Humane Society. There are many organizations that can benefit from donated funds. The Saving bank is for saving money, and our guideline is that if money is put in that bank, then it’s going into the actual savings account at our local bank. The amount collected is matched each year on his birthday when he deposits it into his account, and it is not to be withdrawn. And probably the favorite bank of both my children is the Spending bank. That money is theirs to spend as they see fit. They also use this bank to collect money for larger purchases, instead of spending it out of hand as soon as they receive their allowances.

Consistency is Key In our family, the weekly allowance is not tied to chores that are done around our house; we’re all expected to work together to maintain our living space. We all have chores each day, and my husband and I also get an allowance as well in the form of cash that isn’t tied to household duties. Usually on payday, I get a specific amount of cash in small increments to use throughout the month for the kids’ allowance each Sunday. They also receive allowance on the same day each week – for us it’s Sundays – because it helps them plan for purchases they want to make and helps teach them consistent realities about money. The most important of these realities is that if you don’t have the money, then you can’t spend it. This also means that it’s important to avoid rescuing children when they experience this reality. Sometimes it’s tempting or easy to think, “I’ll just buy this for him/her this time.” However, I think this works against the whole idea of teaching kids about managing money, and there won’t be anyone to rescue them as adults. But what should our kids buy with their allowances? For my kids, these don’t include necessities like food, clothing or even entertainment. When instances come up when they want to do something fun, my husband and I are honest about what we can spend with our budget, and there have been times when our children have chosen to contribute using their allowance money. Most of the time, however, they buy $1 toys, candy or gum – stuff that I won’t usually get them from the grocery store. It’s never too early or late to begin teaching kids about money management. From a simple conversation in the grocery store or a detailed explanation about how savings accounts work, there are several daily opportunities to help kids understand what managing money is all about. About the Author: Kelly Wilson is a busy mother, writer and money-saver. Obsessed with finding the best deal, she never goes anywhere without a coupon. She currently lives with her husband and two small children in Portland, Oregon. You can read more about her and money-saving strategies at www.wilsonwrites.com .

Filed Under: Financial Tips, Fresh Coffee

Java Mama-Laurie Berenson

December 20, 2009 By Mommies Cafe 1 Comment

Do you work at home? Yes.

How many hours do you work a week? It really varies, but my average lately has been 20-25 hours a week.

Company Website? www.sterlingcareerconcepts.com

How long have you been in business? 6 years in January

Tell us a little bit about your company and how you got started? I am a career strategist and professional resume writer who helps clients with projects related to resume development, career change and transition, job search strategy, interview coaching, and salary negotiation. Before starting a family, I was an executive recruiter, and once we decided I would stay home full-time, I immediately started thinking of what I could do from home. Resume writing was a perfect fit. I've always loved to write, and while in executive search, I gained a strong understanding of what made a resume effective. I found I was always tweaking, editing, and revising my clients' resumes so what could be better but to create a business around it!

How did you fund it? Through savings. Start-up costs are relatively low for home-based a resume writing and career services business.

What has been your biggest business struggle? Finding the time to get everything done while also being a full-time mom, and "everything" includes not just project work, but website design, marketing, blogging, social networking, following up with prospective clients, community outreach, bookkeeping, and continuing education, including seminars, conferences, and certification programs.

What has been your biggest accomplishment? The compliments from clients when they let you know the resume was successful and that you helped get them a new job. Those really make my day.

What are your 3 favorite Desserts (websites or blogs)? There are so many! I'm an online junkie, but if I had to name three: Mommy Tracked is a site with multiple columnists that really speaks to me, HybridMom.com is a website, online community, and print magazine that I devour cover to cover, and I can't live without the customer reviews and super saver shipping on Amazon.com. I'll also admit to being a Facebook addict – if I can sneak in a fourth!

What advice would you give to a new mompreneur? I would share five things with her: (1) Have confidence and faith in your self that you can do it; (2) Don't expect the business to flourish overnight – it takes time; (3) You have to take time for your self. You will burn out if you don't balance your work and family commitments with downtime to decompress, (4) You will become an all-time expert at multitasking (and in ordering take-out!), and (5) Keep at it! This is an amazing way to combine staying home with your children and maintaining a professional life. There's no reason women need to opt out of their careers completely to stay home to raise children. With all the ways that we can conduct business virtually today, there are endless opportunities for mothers to earn money and flourish professionally.

Family? Yes, happily married with a 4- and 6-year old.

If so, how do you balance your family and business? Working from home and being able to fit in periods of work throughout my day is the best and worst part of working from home. I love the flexibility, but I constantly feel pulled in different directions. I am trying to do a better job of blocking out time for work and for my children.

What do you do to de-stress? For a midday pick me up, I treat myself to a latte. I also sometimes allow myself to shut the computer off for the rest of the night and relax and recharge with a bowl of popcorn and a good chick flick. An occasional date night also helps!

What is your favorite Café beverage and your favorite mug? Skim cafe latte with a shot of syrup, usually hazelnut or something seasonal, and I always have my morning cup of coffee in my favorite Longaberger mug.

Do you have a Café you visit? If so, what do you use it for? Yes, Java's Always Brewin' in town. I have one-on-one dates with my son or daughter, stop by after church on Sunday, or grab a latte before I head home to write another resume.

Filed Under: Fresh Coffee, Java Mama

How to get the perfect family photo

December 4, 2009 By Mommies Cafe 1 Comment

Getting the perfect family photo for your holiday cards can be an overwhelming task. You want to get a great picture of your family to share with your loved ones as painlessly as possible. I remember the da holiday family ys of lining up on the couch next to my brother and sister bored and uninterested. Someone poking someone else, bickering, meltdowns, there was always one kid who was not willing to participate in the picture taking. Does this sound like your house? We have compiled a list of tips to help you get the best possible family photo with out the stress.

The family picture does not always have to be formal. Less formal often equals less stress.
Take candid shots! You will get real smiles out of your kids, not phony ones, if you capture them doing something they enjoy. Sit them down with a favorite toy and you are sure to get smiles. They don’t have to be dressed up either, a cute photo in pajamas under the covers playing is always fun. To get good candid shots take a lot of pictures, this will give you more to choose from.

Get down on their level. When taking pictures of children sit or kneel down to their eye level. Their expressions will be livelier, and the perspective more natural. The angles and lighting will also be more flattering.

Lighting. Speaking of lighting, lighting is a major part of taking great pictures. You can get really beautiful pictures of your family outdoors, if you follow a few simple tips. Shoot in the morning or late afternoon, the light is softer and looks better on film. Pick a place in the shade and use your flash. Most cameras are set to auto flash and your flash won’t go off outside. Change the setting manually and use your flash. Using your flash will eliminate shadows on your subject’s faces. For indoor pictures let in as much light as possible and turn all of the lights on. Do not take your photos standing in front of a window or other light source. Your camera will focus on the light and drown out your faces.

Keep trees from growing out of your heads! Pay attention to the background. Plain backgrounds work best and ensure that the focus will be on your family and not the background. Sometimes the background is part of the story, pay careful attention to what is in your background and use the simplest area possible.

Get closer! Fill the frame with your subjects and not the room. This will also help eliminate background issues. Most people do not get close enough when taking a photograph. If you didn’t get close enough the first time, you can crop your picture later. Once again the key here is to focus in on what is most important, your family!

Posing. If you are trying to achieve a more formal photograph you may want to pose your family. Try out different poses. Don’t be afraid to experiment, you can always delete it later. Use your tallest subject on the ends of the photograph and work your way in to the shortest. For a large grouping around the couch, pull the couch a few feet out from the wall. Pose one third of your subjects behind the couch, one third sitting on the couch, and the rest on the floor. Instead of asking everyone to say cheese, tell a joke or do whatever makes your family laugh.

Remember to have fun with it! The more relaxed you are the more relaxed your family will be. Follow these simple tips and you will have holiday pictures that you can not wait to send out. Good luck and happy holidays.

Author Bio:
Brandy Tilley is the president of SwankyChicks.com an event company specializing in favors and invitations. Swanky Chicks is wedding and shower planning made easy! Swanky Chicks is carrying a modern line of holiday photo cards this year in addition to their invitation line, and offering 10% off your entire order now through December 15th when you use coupon code XMAS.

Filed Under: Fresh Coffee, Parenting Tips

Welcome to Mommies Cafe

November 22, 2009 By Mommies Cafe Leave a Comment

Welcome to Mommies Café thank you for entering our we hope you are enjoying the view and that it entices you to come in for a visit. Do you like variety? Click on to get the right flavor to start your day. After you have grabbed your cup, go ahead; take a with women that are just like you. During your break be sure to stick your hand in the (it’s okay, we like to share) we will always have all kinds of goodies. If you really like our treats click on and share them with a friend. Want to talk to us or give us your suggestions, then just come to as we are here to serve you.

Filed Under: Fresh Coffee, Uncategorized

Paper,Bills,Clutter Oh My!!

May 22, 2009 By Mommies Cafe 2 Comments

You're a busy mom; you have to shuffle school work, doctor notes, work papers, bills, etc… Papers, papers, papers!!! I want to focus on one section of your many papers… "your bills". When you get your bills what do you do with them? Do you put them in a box, bin, desk or the nearest open space? Pick your poison, and I did them all, then would sort them, mark due dates on calendars, and then file them in designated files. Ideally this would look nice and neat, but did I forget to mention this was when I was able to get back to them. Not to mention that when I did get to them hoping they would still be where I put them. If they weren't I would retrace my steps, all the while praying that the kids didn't use them as their new art project of the week. Needless to say it was clutter in my house and late payments. Seeing that things needed to change to function better, I recently decided to go green with my bills. During this process I didn't know it would turn into a great time saver and save some clutter from my house. I know this is probably old news to you computer guru mothers out there, but it was great for me when I figured it out and thought I would share for those of us who need a starting place. I like things quick and easy, so I supplied some lists below to help you go green with your bills! Initially this process may take awhile to set up, but it will be worth it in the end. Read the tips below and let me know if it helps your family!

Write down all your bills to insure that you don't miss any.
Set up a new email account ie Janesbills@forexample.com . The purpose of this new address will only be used for your bills so you drastically limit the amount of spam, if any, that you get on this account. This will allow you to get your bills faster and avoid getting lost in your personal emails.
If you don't already have one set up you need to set up an online account with each of your bills. (Most, if not all, companies have a website where you can see your accounts online.) ***Make sure to setup using your new email address***
So you don't have to remember several usernames try using the same user name for all your bills or different variations that your know you will remember ie..janedoe…jane214. For those of you that already have accounts set up you can go in and just change your username.
After you have everything set up you will need to create online folders for each of your bills. You can do this through your email service provider or in Outlook. I personally prefer Outlook because it gives you a lot of filtering choices.
Use your online calendar to add your bill due dates. Some of your bills probably offer alerts to be sent to your email. Just go to your online account and check your settings. I highly encourage you to use your calendar alerts and set them to pop up when you log on your computer.
This same process can be done with Business Expenses
You will read this often from me. Have an external hard drive and back up EVERYTHING!!! Once a week is good

Implementing this process will allow you to save time, money and be organized. Time saver-If you are clutter bug like me, you will no longer have to search high and low.

Money Saver-No more late fees(If you have the money to pay it of course)

Organized-At the end of the year you will have all of your bills in neat online folders waiting for you!

Filed Under: Fresh Coffee, Organizing Tips Tagged With: bills, family, organize, time, work at home mom

The Domino Effect

May 21, 2009 By Mommies Cafe Leave a Comment

Okay Okay, I know it’s always said that the grass always looks greener on the other side, but I’m going to say it anyway. The moms out there that have 1 kiddo have it easier than they think when it comes to cold/flu seasons (and whatever virus decides to show up)! Whenever one of my girls gets sick I immediately try my best to exterminate the virus. Sometimes I have great success, and then other times it’s the domino effect. When one falls they all fall!! Despite my best efforts I wipe and disinfect, and it goes completely through each of them then another one gets sick again with different symptoms and it starts all over again. It would be great if it went through all of them then stopped, but then that would be too perfect. You know you can’t have too many of those at once, without throwing something else off. “God forbid” mommy gets sick, but that would be a whole another post. In the mean time here are 5 tips to help minimize sickness in your home with the kiddos, no matter how big or small!

1. Wipe down everything (preferably with eco-friendly sanitizer) that is touched by the little hands. For example, door knobs, toilet seats, drawers, toys, and windows if they love to look out.
2. Wash sheets, pillow cases and anything that is shared by the family to avoid spreading more germs.
3. Partner with some moms and go to your children’s school once a week and wipe down the classrooms.
4. (With this one do as I say not as I do!)Try your best to limit the time your sick child is with your other kids to lessen the exposure.
5. Make sure to monitor the other kids, that they are not eating or drinking after a sick child