Tips for Keeping Control

June 21, 2011 By admin 3 Comments
Being a mother of two children very close in age, can sometimes make me pull my hair out! Haley and Amberly are 18 months apart. It seems like that are fighting all the time and over any little thing.
Over the past few weeks, it seems like it has gotten worse. Everytime I turn around, I am hearing squeals, screams, cries and hits! Since they are so close in age, they like the same stuff. They want the same stuff and they do not under any circumstance want to share with each other!
 
Am I the only mom with this problem?
 
What am I suppose to do? I came up with a few tips to help make my day, yes MY DAY, go a little bit smoother! 
I want to suggest an easy tip. Buy two of everything, but realistically that is just not possible for me or my family. 
When Haley and Amberly are at the peak of their fight, (this is when they are both screaming on the top of their lungs) I do this:
Haley! Amberly! Sisters are not suppose to fight! (This gets them to stop.) I then explain how sisters are suppose to be best friends. (This sometimes works!)
I do this "Goggles" with my hands. I then start to look around the room and declare I am looking for the right choice! I say "I see Amberly not making the right choice & I would love to see her make the right choice with her sister". This ALWAYS works for some reason.
Teasing is becoming a huge issue between these two children. Haley will tell Amberly she is an "X" and Amberly will freak out. I don't understand it. I don't understand a 5 and 3 year olds problems! o.O t
 
Tip on teasing: I tell them both that teasing is not allowed. It is bad behavior and hurts feelings. That we do not want to hurt each other's feelings. I am still working on this with them!
How do you help reduce your children's fights?
 

Jennifer Clay is a mother to 2 little girls, ages 5 and 3.  She is the owner of www.jennifersdeals.wordpress.com  She is a full-time homemaker and is attending University of Phoenix to obtain her Bachelor's Degree in Health Care Administration. She loves finding deals, coupons, & awesome products to review and giveaway on her blog. She is fun, loving and caring and tries to find the best deals and products for her readers. She loves to read and write about anything she things will be interesting.

Filed Under: Parenting Tips

Defining Moments

May 3, 2010 By Jgrimes 2 Comments

“Mom, I’m going to this,” my 16-year-old daughter, Malloree, announced as she slipped a pink invitation into my hand. She reached to hug the person who proudly presented it to her, one of the leaders of her small group at church. I barely had time to check out the date or even what type of event it was before we moved along with a crowd to exit the auditorium.

But it did not really matter, because through the years of raising three teenagers, I had learned to recognize this as a defining moment.

Defining moments matter. Defining moments confirm or change your course of action. Defining moments prove that what you are doing as a parent is working well, or perhaps just the opposite. Defining moments do not come easily, yet sometimes they arrive without warning. Defining moments are too important to overlook, so as a parent, you must learn to recognize them.

Defining moments are usually marked with one, simple statement uttered by your child.

“I want to try out for the school play.”

“My grades are dropping at school.”

“This group of neighborhood kids is giving me trouble.”

“I want to quit the basketball team.”

“Dad, I had a tiny accident, but I’m okay.”

“Mom, Paul asked me to go to the Prom!”

Defining moments should freeze you in your tracks; screeching the rest of life to a momentary halt so you can fully evaluate what your child just said. But more important, so you can determine what they are not saying. What unexpressed emotions lie behind those simple words?

In that one statement, your child is speaking volumes as to what is truly going in his or her life. You have to pause before you respond; pause long enough to find out when your son or daughter first starting feeling that way or noticed the problem. Pause long enough to find out what happened to cause the accident or what kind of trouble the neighborhood kids are causing. Grades may be dropping because school is boring and he needs a greater challenge, or simply because she cannot see the chalkboard.

Pause long enough to listen and prove to them that at that moment, nothing is more important than what they have to say.

Quitting the basketball team may not be the end of the world, if your son’s interest in other sports or activities has grown and they feel overcommitted or trapped by that one sport. Your daughter may be shyly announcing that she has her first boyfriend, and just is not sure how to tell you about it.

Defining moments should be treasured and respected, whether they are positive or negative.  Defining moments may provide just the comfort and reassurance you need as a parent to know that your child is progressing; overcoming challenges and making a difference.

That is exactly what Malloree’s unexpected statement told me on that Sunday morning. “I’m going to this” meant that she was feeling accepted in her new town, and was no longer holding herself back. An invitation to an overnight get together was a big step toward creating memories, and hopefully toward embracing this new chapter in her life.

One day, she too will recognize this as a defining moment. But until then, I am going to pause, reflect, and be thankful.






Filed Under: Fresh Coffee, Parenting Tips, Teens Tagged With: , ,

A Parent’s Prayer for Their Teen

April 2, 2010 By Jgrimes 4 Comments

Dear God, I need to talk to you for a minute about these kids you gave me. First of all, let me make this clear. I adore them. They amaze me, a million different times throughout each day. They are clearly your creation and not my own. And for this, I am thankful. I could have never come up with something this wonderful, even if you had asked me to write out what I had in mind on paper before they were born. But, I want you to know that I am scared. The world looks to me, as their parent, to teach them and protect them, raising them to be successful adults. I wonder why, then, must the world work against me on every step? As a little girl, my precious daughter – well, actually, she is Your precious daughter – happily skipped through her day, treasuring each moment and believing anything was possible. But somewhere along the way to being a teenager, she lost her joy.

Now, her days are filled with paralyzing self doubt and deceptive invitations to the path of acceptance. My adorable son, who once started each day by holding my face in his hands just to tell me he loved me, can no longer look me in the eye. He tries to hide behind walls built over time, convinced that I will never understand him. But I see through to his breaking heart, and mine breaks right along with his. It always has. Always will. These are your children. And they are perfect. How can I get them to see that? How can I protect them from the false expectations of their peers, who are all struggling to find their way just the same? How can I prove to them that they were designed to stand out, rather than to fit in? Sometimes, I watch them sleeping and this is my silent prayer for them: Hold them in your arms. Always.

Reveal yourself to them often, proving that they are never alone. Help them to be strong enough to make a difference; to change the lives of others rather than changing who they are to fit in. Make their paths straight before them, just as you promised to do, and then give them the strength to follow. The decisions they make today can alter the path of the rest of their lives. Please help them to better understand this, and protect them when the time arrives to make those choices. Show them that the rules we have in place are to protect them; not to prevent them from having fun, but rather to keep them from crossing lines into adulthood long before they are ready. Help them understand that once you cross those lines, there is no going back to being a kid. Help them never to doubt you, especially when teachers and others cause them to question their beliefs.

How can they ever find their true value if they believe they were an accident or grew from the ground or from monkeys of some sort? Their very existence proves that You are real, so please comfort them and give them your answers long before they need them. I pray these same things for their future spouses and children. Protect their future and create it in a way that brings them all closer together and to you in the end. And God, please keep whispering these things to them until they are ready for me to tell them face to face. Because Lord, I adore my teens, and am so thankful you chose me to be their parent. Give me what I need to do the job you asked of me, and hold me when I’m scared. I never want to let either of you down. In Jesus Name, Amen


Filed Under: Fresh Coffee, Teens Tagged With: ,

Self-Esteem and Your Teen

March 12, 2010 By Jgrimes 2 Comments

I have yet to figure out exactly when it happens. There is an unidentified moment that a child goes from enjoying life and exploring the world to becoming overtly aware of what others think. It does not happen gradually. It is more of a before and after type of transition; like crossing an imaginary line into a new dimension, with no way to go back. Some seem to handle it gracefully. Some embrace it and use it to their advantage. Some seem as if they have been preparing for this moment their entire lives, while others seem totally caught off guard by it.

Long before the well identified awkward stages of braces, clumsiness, voice changes and growth spurts are the younger moments when no one cared about stick up hair  and unmatched clothing. But there comes a time when a child becomes aware, unfortunately. As a child begins his or her school years, it seems that they become more self-conscious with age, primarily regarding their appearance, but the effects go much deeper that that. Their peers provide the acceptance that becomes the deciding factor on almost every choice they make. Believing in Santa stops once a child has been laughed at for it. Reading is curbed when the athletic kids make fun of someone who is curled up with a book at recess. A favorite cartoon character shirt is tossed aside when it is referred to as “babyish.” Though not all peer interaction is negative, it is important for parents to recognize the role it plays as their children grow into teens. Perhaps even more important is to understand that all teens experience low self-esteem – even those that mask it by wearing too much make up or by bullying others.

The worst athletes want to be like the best athletes. The best athletes are rarely satisfied with their performance, and always hope to do better. The Homecoming Queen never feels beautiful or thin enough, and the Chess  Team Captain wishes he could avoid his gym class. No one, at the end of their day of high school, comes out of it saying “I sure feel better about myself today.” It just does not happen. If you were to question everyone across the country at their ten year high school reunion, regardless of the size of the school or whether it was public or private, everyone would say they felt invisible at some point. They would admit to never completely feeling accepted, even those who graced almost every page of the high school yearbook. So what is a parent to do? How can we help our teens with this truth? Here are a few suggestions:

  1. Prepare them for it. Point out how low self esteem causes characters on television shows to sometimes make the wrong choice. Notice this in movies as well. Remind them how the heroes always learn to stand on their own two feet. Discuss how even adults struggle with self-esteem issues, but the happiest people are the ones who learn to move past it.
  2. Surround them with grownups who are supportive, consistent, and never fickle. Their world changes day by day. Help them plug into something deeper than the whims of their current peer group.
  3. Help them get their mind off themselves. Low self-esteem is magnified when that is all they have to focus on. Get them in a youth group at church and a service oriented group. Seeing others less fortunate changes their perspective, and working with a group of people is just as beneficial.
  4. Point them toward their future. By keeping the bigger picture in mind, they can recognize that these kids will not be moving with them to the next chapter of their lives, and that most likely only a handful of them will remain friends. College and life choices are individual choices and cannot be managed by their peers. The sooner they realize that, the better.
  5. Challenge them to watch out for someone needing attention. Make a point each day to look for a new kid or invite someone to sit at their lunch table. It will help them to get past themselves if they are a part of the solution.
  6. Understand that they may not feel comfortable discussing these issues with you, because they know what you will say. You will tell them they are wonderful and that you love them. They expect to hear that from you, so it no longer carries much weight. They may withdraw when they are down on themselves, but that is when they need you more than ever.
  7. Pray for your kids. They need it, and so do we, as parents. The more they pull away from us, the more we need God to help them to make sense of their world and point them in the right direction.
Filed Under: Fresh Coffee, Teens

Watching Out for the Compliant Child

January 30, 2010 By Jgrimes 2 Comments

As a mother, we are intensely thankful for our compliant child. Usually the most serious of our brood, he or she is the rule follower, seeking to help us keep everyone else in line. Long before we suspect that she has done anything wrong, she comes to us with head hanging low, admitting her shortcomings and outlining her plan for an acceptable punishment. A compliant child is a blessing to any mother who often wonders if we are getting through to our children. But as the compliant child grows older, it is important for us to help her guard against this personality strength that could later become her greatest weakness. Underneath her need for compliance is an intense desire to please others. She can only rest once she has done enough to fill the needs of everyone around her. Compliant kids are the people pleasers, and world soon learns that if you want something done quickly and correctly, give it to one of them. However, the compliant child is also a perfectionist. This combination is only beneficial when one learns to draw her own boundary lines. Feeling the need to be perfect multiplied by the desire to meet the needs of others can leave the child running on empty in the long run. Another downfall of compliance is that many times, this child waits to be told what to do. She becomes so used to exceeding expectations, that she fails to learn to think for herself long enough to ask what she wants out of life. The compliant child is destined for later success as an adult, but only if she gives herself permission to not be loved by everyone. And discovering her own answers to her questions, rather than weighing the answers of others, will offer the greatest boost to her self-esteem. So, watch out for your compliant child, at least until she learns to watch out for herself, for a change. As many mothers can attest, if they examine themselves closely, they must admit that they began their lives as the compliant child.


Filed Under: Parenting Tips

Christmas Let-down and the Second Semester Blues

January 4, 2010 By Jgrimes Leave a Comment

 Let’s face it.  We all find it difficult to get back in the swing of things following the long break over Christmas.  With the welcome reprieve from homework, deadlines and alarm clocks, this feeling is magnified for our high school kids. After the stress that comes and goes with mid-term exams, it is never easy to approach the last half of the year with the same intensity of a new school year.  The entire family must be retrained to go to bed early and embrace the school routine, and as the second semester approaches, an atmosphere of dread can quickly overtake our households. My own 16-year-old daughter, Malloree, never found it necessary to voice her opinion of the months that lay ahead.  Her expression said it all.  During our ten hour drive back home from all the holiday festivities this past weekend, left alone on the road to ponder our thoughts, we all hated for the freedom and fun of Christmas to be over.  But with a plan and zone defense, so to speak, we will get through this together. Here are a few ideas that may help your family as well.

  • Give them a reason to start off strong.  The hardest part of any task is to start.  Help your son or daughter look forward to it with a weekend celebration following their first week back to school.  Invite a friend over or go to a movie.
  • Get organized ahead of time.   This is our first full winter living in Michigan, which translates into frigid temperatures and rare school closings due to snow.  We have a ready supply of scarves, hats and gloves waiting by the door.  Malloree has to layer up for the walk between buildings for her classes, but can easily get too hot during the day. Planning what to wear and packing all lunch items, backpacks and coats is a must the night before, or something important will be forgotten.
  • Focus on the next break.  For us, mid-February offers another full week off from school. Knowing that in just over a month she will get to go visit her friends provides plenty of motivation to get through these cold and snowy days.  And then, soon comes Spring Break in April, the next light at the end of the tunnel.
  • Stick to a routine.  Dinner is at the same time every night, providing a couple of hours for homework when she first comes home from school.  Structure takes the guesswork out of both our mornings and our evenings.
  • Let the little things be little.  All we ask from Malloree is for her best effort.  She tends to stress herself out over her grades without us ever mentioning it.  We remind her to have fun and don’t find it necessary to discuss school often.  She spends the majority of her life consumed with it, so it is up to us to provide the balance and the permission to take it easy once in awhile.

The daily grind of high school takes it toll on all of our kids, but with our support and a team effort, the halfway point can be a reason to celebrate.  The truth is that too soon, days like this will be a distant memory and each moment should be enjoyed as much as possible.

Filed Under: Fresh Coffee, Parenting Tips

How to get the perfect family photo

December 4, 2009 By Mommies Cafe 1 Comment

Getting the perfect family photo for your holiday cards can be an overwhelming task. You want to get a great picture of your family to share with your loved ones as painlessly as possible. I remember the daholiday familyys of lining up on the couch next to my brother and sister bored and uninterested. Someone poking someone else, bickering, meltdowns, there was always one kid who was not willing to participate in the picture taking. Does this sound like your house? We have compiled a list of tips to help you get the best possible family photo with out the stress.

The family picture does not always have to be formal. Less formal often equals less stress.
Take candid shots! You will get real smiles out of your kids, not phony ones, if you capture them doing something they enjoy. Sit them down with a favorite toy and you are sure to get smiles. They don’t have to be dressed up either, a cute photo in pajamas under the covers playing is always fun. To get good candid shots take a lot of pictures, this will give you more to choose from.

Get down on their level. When taking pictures of children sit or kneel down to their eye level. Their expressions will be livelier, and the perspective more natural. The angles and lighting will also be more flattering.

Lighting. Speaking of lighting, lighting is a major part of taking great pictures. You can get really beautiful pictures of your family outdoors, if you follow a few simple tips. Shoot in the morning or late afternoon, the light is softer and looks better on film. Pick a place in the shade and use your flash. Most cameras are set to auto flash and your flash won’t go off outside. Change the setting manually and use your flash. Using your flash will eliminate shadows on your subject’s faces. For indoor pictures let in as much light as possible and turn all of the lights on. Do not take your photos standing in front of a window or other light source. Your camera will focus on the light and drown out your faces.

Keep trees from growing out of your heads! Pay attention to the background. Plain backgrounds work best and ensure that the focus will be on your family and not the background. Sometimes the background is part of the story, pay careful attention to what is in your background and use the simplest area possible.

Get closer! Fill the frame with your subjects and not the room. This will also help eliminate background issues. Most people do not get close enough when taking a photograph. If you didn’t get close enough the first time, you can crop your picture later. Once again the key here is to focus in on what is most important, your family!

Posing. If you are trying to achieve a more formal photograph you may want to pose your family. Try out different poses. Don’t be afraid to experiment, you can always delete it later. Use your tallest subject on the ends of the photograph and work your way in to the shortest. For a large grouping around the couch, pull the couch a few feet out from the wall. Pose one third of your subjects behind the couch, one third sitting on the couch, and the rest on the floor. Instead of asking everyone to say cheese, tell a joke or do whatever makes your family laugh.

Remember to have fun with it! The more relaxed you are the more relaxed your family will be. Follow these simple tips and you will have holiday pictures that you can not wait to send out. Good luck and happy holidays.

Author Bio:
Brandy Tilley is the president of SwankyChicks.com an event company specializing in favors and invitations. Swanky Chicks is wedding and shower planning made easy! Swanky Chicks is carrying a modern line of holiday photo cards this year in addition to their invitation line, and offering 10% off your entire order now through December 15th when you use coupon code XMAS.

Filed Under: Fresh Coffee, Parenting Tips